Quit Trying To Be A Perfect Mom, You’re Good Enough

Before we become mothers ourselves, we construct an idea of motherhood from watching our mothers, families, friends, and the media. All this registers in our subconscious mind and gives us firm beliefs other than our own of what good motherhood should and should NOT be. So that when we start raising a family, we operate with a mind book titled: How to be the perfect mom. It covers everything possible we should do for our kid(s) and partners, except ourselves. Selfish.

You see, motherhood is just like staring at yourself in the mirror - It is a reflection of yourself. You will always receive the feedback (a reflection of your image) of whatever you put in (yourself/actions). When you place your peace and happiness as your top priority, your child will have the best life they could ever dream of. If you are more gracious and loving to yourself, you would have enough love to go around, and your family will receive an overdose of love, patience, and commitment out of the abundance of your reserve.

When you try to be an all-round perfect mom, you will find that perfection sucks you in and sets you up for an exhausting run on a never-ending hamster wheel. The result of all that exhaustion? Reactive parenting.

Think about this, perfection is a moving target, and no one ever hits the bullseye, so if your mind is conditioned to think that you are not good enough unless perfect, it would also consider that no one is and can be perfect - this leads up to the conclusion that Not perfect = Bad mom. If you constantly overstretch and neglect yourself to accommodate everyone and can sense yourself breaking down but still feel like you are not doing enough, we are talking to you…

Your kid(s) and partner don’t need a perfect mom. They need a happy mom. One who protects her mental health and builds her self worth. One who puts herself first! You read that right.

You are not a bad mom when you practice self-care after a long day dealing with work and mom duties. You are not a bad mom when you get bored taking care of the family and start to yearn for a girls’ night out (You deserve it!). Motherhood isn’t supposed to bury your self away in an antique box and turn you into a shadow of who you are. You are good enough as you are, and your family will appreciate you for it.

To deliver the best version of yourself to your family, you have to prioritize your selfish time. We’ve got some suggestions on the right ways to get started. Let’s go!

1. Take Time Out For Your Mental Health

Gingkobaby: Take a time out for your mental health!

You: Who has time for that?

Gingkobaby: Make time!

Change in our lives doesn’t happen when we hide behind closed doors. As moms, we tend to suppress our thoughts and feelings instead of facing them head-on. We are usually afraid that we would be perceived as weak. This is why our mental health is one of the most important things.

Whether we face stress, anxiety, depression, or simply not loving ourselves enough, we most definitely should not bottle up all the negative emotions. We need time to confront our thoughts and address the negative ones before they cause any harm, especially when it affects our role as moms. Take time out to purge your mind of all the negative emotions.

Yoga, meditation, a deep massage, journaling or simply having a girls’ night out are just some of the ways to work through our day to day challenges.

2. Move The Body

Increasing your physical activity is a great personal investment. It will help you connect with your body and improve your productivity, focus, and energy levels. We are aware that exercising isn’t as easy as it sounds, so we advise you to join a support group, pair up with friends, or use a super-friendly fitness app that can keep you accountable and motivated.

If the whole thought of exercising is too overwhelming, just walk. The whole idea is to move your body and stay active. Even if you end up having to take the baby with you, just get out, get moving and get enough blood flowing through your body.

A 2018 study found that mothers attested to improved mood, weight loss, body appreciation, fitness levels, and being better roles for their kids after 8 weeks of 15 minutes workouts.

You don’t have to start with intensive cardio and HIITs just yet,. Simple, no-equipment workouts like brisk walking, walking the stairs, jumping jacks, and Zumba dance (does a contained shimmy-shake dance hehe) are a great way to start.

3. Nourish Your Body

Food is an important part of self-care. It is so yummy and delicious that we forget its main role is to nourish the body.

It is advisable to eat lots of green veggies, lean proteins, healthy fats, and complex carbs. They will help to ensure proper cell functions, stabilize insulin levels, and facilitate hormone production. You will also enjoy better sleep, which will result in better moods, ultimately allowing you to deliver your optimal self. You don’t have to cut everything out in your current diet and switch immediately; you can use the 80/20 rule instead. 80% of your week should feature natural, plant-based foods.

Tip: Invest in meal prep. Things could get busy during the day, and you don’t want to be caught looking for quick fixes or reaching for unhealthy snacks to quench your hunger. Planning healthy meals ahead of time will leave you with some extra time for other self-care practices.

4. Spend More Time With Your Partner

Selfish time with your better half isn’t a bad idea. The effects of a long, warm hug/kiss from the love of your life are incredibly therapeutic. Much research has shown that kissing romantically helps to reduce acute stress (and balance hormone levels) by reducing cortisol levels in the brain. Also, having someone to confess all your deepest thoughts and desires to will help you feel better. You can plan a late-night dinner with your partner to enjoy each other’s company.

5. Develop A New Skill or Hobby

You might feel like there is already enough work to handle, and your time just cannot accommodate an extra skill or hobby, but you can have so much fun and expand your mind if you do pick up a new interest. You can journal, read books, crotchet, bead, paint, weave, garden, code, take on a short online course, meditate, learn yoga, etc. You can even learn soap making online and start to make hypoallergenic soaps for your family.

There are so many other activities you can engage in to help you declutter your mind and live life happily. Parenting is a gift that should be enjoyed, no matter the situation. You don’t need to put so much pressure on yourself or live in a comparison bubble that’ll hamper your joy and limit your success. You are only human - You are not a perfect mom. Just do YOU, stay happy, and love your family the way only YOU can.